you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
