hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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