omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
