Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize