Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
