you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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