A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
