I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
