party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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