So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
