dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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