just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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