I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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