it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
