I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
