Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
