just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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