people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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