Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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