Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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