he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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