Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
