I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
