Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I only lived at night.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
