I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
