Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
