i think my mom watched the whole time
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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