closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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