Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
