Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
