4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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