she was so not down for the gang bang
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize