Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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