so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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