Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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