Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
