Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
