that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
