How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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