Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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