I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
