Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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