If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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