apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
