Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
