how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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