I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
