I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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