If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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