Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
