wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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