if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Its about making memories worth repressing
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
