Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
