how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
