She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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