Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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