What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
