There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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