yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
please come you make the beer taste better
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize