what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i came on her dog
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
