When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
