I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
