roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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