so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
