On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
