The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
