Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
