I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
