3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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