He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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