we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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