somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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