"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
