I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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