i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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