Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
