I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize