I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
