At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
