I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
