You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
