I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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