We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
