Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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