I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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